I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
