I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
