this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
