I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
