he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
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She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
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Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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