So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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