By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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