You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
