I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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