turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
