fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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