She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
