I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
