I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
