Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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