we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
