Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
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