True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
