Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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