my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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