my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
i believe in u and ur pee
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
