rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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