? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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