She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
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I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
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They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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