So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
