the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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