I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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