please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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