You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
