So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
