so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
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I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
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I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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