i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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