Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
This is the high leading the old right now
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Randomize
