Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
