Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
porn star boner night. come get it.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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