ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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