"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
She's like a pop up book from hell.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
