Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
