I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
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The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
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When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
wow bdsm is so cute
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