I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Randomize
