when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
