We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
