Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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