did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize