I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
