I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
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