I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Randomize
