Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
