Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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