She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
