just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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