So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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