Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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