I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
