I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
