She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
