Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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