so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
