So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
