so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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