is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
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I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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