she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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