You were right. It hurts to walk today.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
