So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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