is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
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She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
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It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Help me help you realize you are a moron
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
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