your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
