I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
