you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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