Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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