I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
