wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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