hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
