will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
